


Back to December

by essiee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Back to December, Based on Song, Breakup, M/M, Maybe I'll make a second part with a happy ending, Nothing but angst, i don't know how to tag, no happy ending, pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:11:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9413141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/essiee/pseuds/essiee
Summary: Alec and Magnus see each other for coffee, the first time they'd met since the breakup in December. Based on Back to December by Taylor Swift.NOT PROOF READ





	

Alec had his hands tightly gripped on his cup of black coffee. The steam from the hot drink made his face flush more than it already was from feeling Magnus’ longing stare. He didn’t want to look up. He and Magnus had decided to meet up for coffee, the first time they’d seen each other since December. December, the month where everything had gone wrong. It was August and yet the bitter winds of that stormy night still haunted Alec so vividly, like it was happening all over again. It was easy when Magnus wasn’t around to see. The thought of him could easily be dismissed by a glance at the wedding band on his finger. He did what he had to do. After a while, Maryse had accepted the idea that her son wasn’t straight. But that didn’t dismiss the fact that Magnus was a downworlder, and to Maryse, that was all he’d ever be. 

Maybe if Alec hadn’t cared so much about that, they would have still been together. Maybe if he hadn’t constantly seeked for approval from others, they wouldn’t have fought so much. Alec should have realised the only person’s approval he really needed was the love of his life’s. 

Alec could still remember Magnus’ face, the way it fell when Alec said he couldn’t do it anymore. Heartbreak etched into every line and every curve. All he asked was ‘why?’ Alec didn’t know the answer to that. It wasn’t because of the fights. It wasn’t because he’d found someone else. It wasn’t because he’d fallen out of love. Truth was, he lied on that December night. He lied to Magnus. He could do it still. He could do it for an eternity, because no matter what Magnus did to him, it was worth all the suffering. But on that night, for some reason unknown to Alec, he lied to himself. 

Maryse soon found a new partner for Alec, one she deemed ‘suitable’. He wasn’t a bad person, and in fact, maybe in a different life, in a different world, Alec could have fallen in love with him. But in order to love, one must have a heart. And Alec had given his away. They’d quickly wed, leaving no time for questioning, regretting, changing. But then, with Magnus in front of him, he felt all the heartbreak he’d ignored for so long. He had missed the way Magnus’ light lit the room. He had longed for the warm touch of Magnus’ skin against his own, shooting electricity through his body. He missed his home. Alec was glad that Magnus made time to see him. He wanted to know how life had been like for Magnus since he left, and he prayed that Magnus didn’t feel as bad as him. He wouldn’t wish that upon his worst enemy, not even Valentine.

“How’s your family?” Magnus said, breaking Alec out of his thoughts with his smooth voice that was all too familiar to Alec. Alec looked up at Magnus and his stomach dropped. He understood in that moment, why it was called heartbreak. His chest was tight and tears burned in his eyes, threatening to fall. Magnus seemed to be just as affected. His eyes seemed dull and his words seemed fragile, like he had a lump in his throat.

“They’re good, we’re all good.” Alec forced his words out. Magnus nodded, swirling sugar into a drink Alec assumed was probably already way too sweet.

“I haven’t seen them in a while,” he muttered way too quietly. “I’m glad you’re alright.” Alec had never seen Magnus this way, he didn’t realise Magnus could ever look so broken. But what a foolish idea it was to believe you truly know everything about a person. Alec was sure that if Magnus could hear his thoughts, he’d agree.

“You’ve been busy,” Alec commented, not knowing what to say. Creating small talk seemed like the only option. In that moment, Alec wondered why he’d decided to do this. What was he supposed to say? I’m sorry. I miss you. Do you miss me too? It wouldn’t be fair to do that. Maybe he thought in seeing Magnus that he’d feel better. That the void in his life would slowly fill up. Maybe Magnus was glowing again. Maybe all he wanted to know was if Magnus was okay. Or maybe Alec just wanted to see him, because even though it would break his heart, he’d always believed that Magnus was worth the pain. And if that was the case, then maybe Alec had grown to like the pain. Because the pain reminded him that it was real, and that everything they had felt wasn’t a lie.

“I’ve had a lot of work,” Magnus murmured. His guard was up. Alec could see that so clearly. And he knew why. He knew that all the pain he’d caused to himself, was only half of the pain he’d caused Magnus. Alec had been so naïve; he thought Magnus wouldn’t care so much. He thought that through all of the centuries, Magnus had grown a tolerance to heartbreak. And how twisted it was to know that Alec almost enjoyed the idea that Magnus was hurting. No, he didn’t enjoy the look on his face, or the thought of his love sheading even a single tear over him. But if Magnus was hurting, it meant it was real for him too. 

It was real. Alec wished he could turn back to December and make everything okay. He would have never left Magnus, they would have worked it out, because they were strong enough to do that together. They were better together. Apart they were just broken, two pieces of a soul forever wandering, searching for their other half, though they already found it. Alec wished he’d realised what he had. If he has just realised that Magnus was more to him than anyone else in the world, he could have saved so much heartbreak. Alec swallowed his pride and looked up at Magnus again. He swore to himself, by the angel, that if they loved again he’d love him right. He’d change everything if he could. He’d turn back time to make Magnus smile at him again. To see his warm eyes watching him so fondly. Alec wouldn’t sleep properly ever again, not until December changed.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted in ages and I wrote this. It's sad and I didn't write a happy ending though I possibly could if people wanted?
> 
> Much love
> 
> I have an instagram and I should hopefully be posting Malec fanart soon so idk, follow me if you'd like? It's @essie.png


End file.
